bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
50% drunk capacity currently
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
