how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
