he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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