Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
