so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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