I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
