Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
