does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
