Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
