imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize