I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
