When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
