You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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