Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
