am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
