the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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