I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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