shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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