Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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