Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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