I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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