Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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