I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
