That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
