I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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