After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
