and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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