I'm so fucking centered right now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
