I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
