you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
