thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
