it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
