Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
