so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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