Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
