Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
