I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
