I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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