Cold hands, warm shart.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
