When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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