I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
