Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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