I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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