So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
