Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
