I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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