Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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