Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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