He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
