Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
