The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I smell like Dick and happiness
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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