Your face is a jimmy john
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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