Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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