you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
