im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Randomize
