Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
