where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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