so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
