I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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