She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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