his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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