his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Operation Purity has been aborted
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize