I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
