thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
