I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
