if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
