it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
