Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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