i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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