She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize