Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
