check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
