i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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