I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize