Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
