No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
