you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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