I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
