Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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