Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
