Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
