i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
