Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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