Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
