I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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