Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
