I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize