if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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