I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
