quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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