I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Life is so much better after having sex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
