i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
